I’m from a large Irish-Italian family where all the fun revolves around food and drink, and there rarely exists a photo of my siblings and I missing our purple stained teeth. I got my Bachelor’s degree from the University of Montana in Literature and Creative writing. Since graduation, I’ve been writing short fiction and slinging booze.
I love orange juice and the fiction of Cormac McCarthy. I get my fashion sense from my mother, which isn’t necessarily a good thing. I hate bananas and when people exaggerate belches to draw attention to their perceived masculinity. I make the world’s best mashed potatoes, take dreams very seriously and am afraid of heights.
My favorite grape at the moment is Sangiovese.
It comes with the territory, whatever your terrain may be. Wine stains, on couches after especially emotional Grey’s Anatomy episodes, on your white Christmas button down, or on the carpet after the task of pouring yet another glass of wine proves too trying for your already saturated self. Red wine has its place in your special occasion, but hopefully you can keep it out of fabrics, if not, however, these tricks (learned only by trial and error) can save the fabrics touched a little too closely.
It is important that the original bulk of the wine is rinsed out of the fabric. Let’s suppose that a glass of Malbec unsuspectingly sitting on your bedside table is knocked to the floor with your wild arm gestures that accompany a drunk dial to your future ex-boyfriend. Of course he doesn’t know he’s your future ex, as he is content with the often irrational actions that accompany your assumption that 80’s teen romances depict what a real, caring and honest relationship is like until you drunkenly insist that your “first” was Jake Ryan. This is where the downward spiral begins and sooner or later he’ll become disenchanted with your delusions. When you delete his number after the conversation the least of your worries will be the wine spatter. Using a damp sponge, dab (don’t rub) the spot to pick up the inevitable puddle. Always have OxyClean for carpets around, or if you’re thrifty, any oxygenated carpet cleaner will work. Spot test in an inconspicuous area to ensure color fastness. After the spot test, really douse the spots of wine on the carpet with your oxygenated cleaner. Wait about 5 minutes and dab (don’t rub!) the wine out with your damp sponge. After the area dries, vacuum. This also works with stains under your bed that you don’t notice (or can’t be bothered with) until days later and on fabrics you cannot put in the washing machine, i.e. couches and curtains.
As an Irish/Italian Catholic from an enormous family, I’ve become a great multi-tasker when it comes to wine and my young cousins. Stirring gravy with a baby on the hip while putting in my opinion of whatever wine was purchased for each gathering is a normal and easy thing, even though I have avoided having any of my own children so don’t even think about calling social services. They’re not even my kids. Let’s suppose, however, that my 7-year-old cousin got a whole vat of green slime in his Christmas stocking and is dangling it out of his nose in an attractive way only a child can. As a result of his debauchery at least 3 people are covered in a Syrah that honestly needed to open up quite a bit before it was palatable anyway. My white cotton blouse, my brother’s white polyester/rayon blend dress shirt and my 7-year-old mischief producing cousin’s wool sweater all fell victim. After finding an array of spare clothes (As a joke I believe I was given a Budweiser tshirt 4 sizes too big) I rinsed the stains in cold water and found Dawn dish soap, the blue kind, under the sink and was thankful. Apply the Dawn directly to the stain and rub (this time you can…). You’ll see the wine stain begin to turn black and then it’s time to soak the stain in cold water without rinsing the Dawn out of the spots. Launder as usual after soaking for 30 minutes. WARNING: If your garment is dry clean only skip all these steps and bring it to your dry cleaner immediately. Do not even rinse the stain.